Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
