The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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