"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize