I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
