I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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