She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
