I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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