Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize