Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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