after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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