My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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