my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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