U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
