Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
