i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
