This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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