So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
