i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you never un-have a 4some
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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