No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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