I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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