i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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