you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
