my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
