Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
