Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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