dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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