this beer tastes like vomit already
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
