I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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