Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize