he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
