i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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