After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
