Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
