Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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