I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize