Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
