So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
