I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
