if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
