3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
