I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
