She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize