i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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