"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize