New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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