Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
