actually, I'm a sock model
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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