i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
