and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
