remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
