Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
