We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
