She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
