Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
