Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just gargled with NyQuil
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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