woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
