If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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