You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
