Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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