Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
