it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
