You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
