We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
