Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You left your phone here
Wait...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
