So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
