dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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