Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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