Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
