i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
