You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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